Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
