Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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