You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
