It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Houston, we have a blender
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
