she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
