my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
