This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
