my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Terrible idea I love it
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
