you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
