My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
