Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
