If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
