Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
