put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
