she was so not down for the gang bang
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
