you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
