Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
