I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
