I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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