I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize