Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
