if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
