It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
