I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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