The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
