My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize