the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
