Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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