xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize