O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
