you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
