By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
