WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just googled if crying burns calories
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
