yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
