Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
