fuck your aforementioned shoe
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize