I showed him my bush... on skype.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Rumble strips road head = magical
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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