guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
