Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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