Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
