I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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