U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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