Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
