I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
