hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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