Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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