My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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