Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize