you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
