Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize