This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
