He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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