Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
