everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
