youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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