Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
