what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
