It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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