Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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