from now on my penis is your penis
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
