p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
