So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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