college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
So squirting runs in the family.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
