I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Rumble strips road head = magical
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
