i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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