Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
