you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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